Child Custody Schedules by Age – What’s Best for Your Child?
Child custody schedules are not "One Size Fits All"
You may feel unsure about child custody schedules depending on the age of your child. Children have different wants and needs at different ages and this can affect child custody. A 50/50 schedule alternating week by week is not one size fits all when it comes to drafting your parenting plan or applying for a parenting order.
Here are some recommendations for your child at each age milestone. Of course, this is general information and each child is unique with their needs.
What is best for your child?
A lot changes as your child grows and develops. This means that you need to adjust as they get older. There is a great importance on being flexible for your child.
It is required under Family Law that you act in the best interests of your child. So, no matter the relationship you have with your ex, it is your child’s right to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. So, what works best for them?
Babies
Of course, infants will spend most of their time with their primary carer, often their mother. But this doesn’t mean that the non-primary carer cannot spend time with the child you share. It is important they can still build a relationship with your child, so a few hours at a time every two or three days is a good place to start.
Toddlers
Toddlers and pre-school aged children get attached! It is best to have your child be able to frequently spend time with both parents. Consistency is key. Make sure they have a routine that stays the same no matter who they are with.
The time a child spends with the non-primary caregiver can gradually increase to a longer period compared to babies. This means from visits of longer hours when they are toddlers to a few overnight stays as they get older. Make sure you can arrange phone calls if the child misses the other parent.
Primary School Age Children
As your children begin to attend school and engage in daily schedules, they are more used to routine. Here, your child custody arrangements can become less strict. Separation can be hard for children, so it is important to consider how your child feels about your decisions and make them feel comfortable in the transition process. The level of their involvement will depend on their age – this is why flexibility is important.
Remember you need to be considerate of the work hours and travel time of each parent, and extracurriculars, clubs and tutoring that your child is involved in. This means your schedule might not always be precisely equal.
While your child is younger, your schedule might involve two or three days with each parent at a time. As they get older, this may slowly increase to an alternating week schedule.
Some examples of schedules that are used can be found on the Child Support Australia site here.
Teenagers
At this age, your teenager may be a lot more involved in how you schedule where they stay. They may be more involved in other activities, begin working, play sport, and spend more time with friends. It is best to put greater weight on your teenager’s wishes, as they desire more control in the lives. Be open and communicate!
As your teen’s independence increases, there are more things you need to discuss with your ex, such as relationships, driving and curfews.
Schedules can be anything from weekends with one parent, alternating fortnights, or four days with one parent and three with the other parent. It depends on what works best, but at this age they can usually spend more time away from either parent.
Can your child choose where they live?
You might disagree with your child about where they are to live.
You are not always obligated to follow the wishes of your child. But if this sparks quite the disagreement, especially with your teenager, there are some cases where your child can choose which parent they live with. The Court will engage in a two-step test in whether the child can choose where they live. It will depend on:
- Their age – there is no age limit where a child can decide where to live or have their wishes rejected.
- Their maturity – a family social worker or psychologist can assess your child’s understanding of their family dynamics, maturity and capacity and present their finding to the Court.
What if your ex isn’t acting in the best interests of your child?
In addition to your child’s living schedule, you need to consider school holidays, education, health and so on. If you have joint custody, you will need to work together to create a plan that’s in the best interests of your child. But what if your ex doesn’t seem to be doing that?
Assuming your custody agreement is in the best interests of the child and your ex isn’t complying with it, you have a few options.
- Family Dispute Resolution: This option is great if you want a less confrontational setting with a mediator and want to avoid going to Court straight away.
- Go to Court: If you have a Parenting Order, your ex may be breaching this legally enforceable order.
No matter what, it is best to seek legal advice. Divorce Hub can help you create a Parenting Plan or draft a Parenting Order as well as finding what is the best course of action if your ex isn’t acting in the best interests of your child.