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No Fault Divorce Doesn't Mean No Grief Divorce

The purpose of this article is to provide general information and does not constitute legal advice. Please get in touch to discuss your specific circumstances.

Life may have been a little rough lately. Maybe after a lot of soul searching, you’ve come to realise that the reason you’re feeling so off-kilter is that your marriage just isn’t working. If you still care for your partner, this realisation can come as quite a shock.

After all, they’re a lovely person. They haven’t cheated, lied, or assaulted you. They take the kids to footy and you watch movies together on the weekend.

Maybe you LIKE this person. Still love them even. But for whatever reason, you’ve had to admit that your marriage together isn’t the best thing for you anymore.

You know it’s time for a new start but you don’t want to hurt them. And truth be told, you don’t want to go through bucketloads of pain yourself.

Together, after reflecting on the situation, you decide to separate amicably. You know there will still be challenges but you’re both determined to play fair and maybe even stay friends.

But does a no fault divorce really equal a no stress divorce?

All the feelings

Unfortunately, things are never quite that simple.

Big changes, both good and bad, bring forth waves of different, strong, and often confusing emotions.

This doesn’t mean the change is wrong, or isn’t worthwhile, but it means you need to take time to care for yourself.

A divorce, even the most peaceful no fault divorce that Australia has ever witnessed, is still a huge life event.

Here’s what you might find yourself feeling.

Regret

‘Regrets, I’ve had a few…’ is how the old song by Frank Sinatra goes.

And just as surely as he crooned about moments of regret in amongst a life of doing things ‘my wayyyy’, you’ll likely experience your own feelings of regret.

You may wonder if you’ve tried hard enough or done enough to make the marriage work.

Failure

After the regret comes the feeling of failure that despite your best efforts, you couldn’t make things work.

And like regret, this feeling is a completely normal, if unwelcome, part of separation.

Guilt

You’ll likely worry about the effect the divorce is having on your children, especially if things were seemingly ‘not that bad’ at home.

You might even feel guilty about the hurt your partner is going through as a result of the separation.

This is why it is important to have good supports in place, even during a no fault divorce.

Worry

Another very common emotion, worry, arrives in times of uncertainty. You may be concerned about how you’ll cope financially or wonder if you’ll regret your decision in the future.

You may worry about how you’ll face the inevitable moments of loneliness or adjust to life as a single parent.

Shame

Taking feelings of guilt to the next level, shame is the powerful feeling that something is inherently wrong with you and this caused your divorce.

If you’re feeling this way, please reach out to us or another trusted support.

Confusion

Big changes can lead to feelings of confusion as you learn to navigate your new chapter.

Secretly, you may also be feeling a bit vengeful towards your partner – and this can be confusing, too.

Excitement

Yes! You may well get those ‘new chapter’ feels at times as you work through your divorce, especially as you get further along in the process and start to make new plans.

Celebrate these moments!

Relief

Finally, you’re likely to experience feelings of relief. After all, staying somewhere that you don’t belong is really difficult.

You might be surprised by how relieved you feel once the divorce is finalised. This new beginning will come with lots of the other feelings above but with the freedom to create a new life that better fits. Make sure you take the time to savour those fabulous moments of relief, too.

Get the support you deserve

Preparing to go through a no fault divorce can make you feel like an imposter – all the support groups are filled with harrowing stories of infidelity, control, deception, and grief. Your story doesn’t seem to fit so you may question whether you should be there at all.

But let’s be honest, no divorce is easy. In fact, a no fault divorce comes with all the challenges and feelings and none of the support groups.

That’s where Marg Doherty, Divorce Hub’s CDC® Certified Divorce Coach, comes in. She can help you decide on practical steps to take, listen and offer advice on caring for yourself before, during and after your divorce – judgement free.

Reach out and get the support you deserve today.